From today's Guardian excerpts from a new book by Mallory Ortberg imagining literary classics (and Harry Potter) in the form of modern text conversations ...







'

I was never going to post here ever, ever again - yet again - but had to say thank you for that.


I like literary tweets too.  Let's have a biblical one, shall we?

Tarsus4Life (Paul of Tarsus): @apollos RE: What you wrote on bathroom wall. It’s spelled G-E-N-T-I-L-E-S. I, Paul, am preacher to the GENTILES. Get your mind out of the gutter.

Temperance,

seemingly I have not the background to catch the "pointe" of all this...
"Tarsus4Life (Paul of Tarsus): @apollos RE: What you wrote on bathroom wall. It’s spelled G-E-N-T-I-L-E-S. I, Paul, am preacher to the GENTILES. Get your mind out of the gutter. "


I know that Paulus was the apostle of the gentiles...and my mother was not a fan of him because according to her it was him who was responsible for the backward position of the women in the Roman-Catholic religion and its applications...

Kind regards, your friend Paul.

paul@christ.com to timothy@corinthe.gr
Hi sorry 2 hear about the problems wiv yr girlfrend. Just dump her man. Wimmin r 2 much trouble bro they always want 2 get involved and organise things. Its better when its just us guys I think. But don't u dare go for that cute boy in the congregation either ... u no which 1!  ; ) That would be serious baaaad, man. I hate poofs.
Hey I got kool haircut at Cenchreae, see my facebook page, wicked innit? Stuck in Ephesus at the mo but off to Caesarea soon I hope. Keep up the good work. Seeya, Paul (Saint) xx






... obviously sent in the days before predictive texting and emoticons, and when there was a character limitation. Such was life in ancient times.

Meles meles wrote:

paul@christ.com to timothy@corinthe.gr

Hi sorry 2 hear about the problems wiv yr girlfrend. Just dump her man. Wimmin R 2 much trouble bro they always want 2 get involved and organise things. Its better wen its just us guys I think. But don't you dare go for that cute boy in the congregation either ... U no which 1! That would be serious baaaad, man. I hate poofs.
Hey I got kool haircut at Cenchreae. see my facebook page. wikked innit? Stuck in Ephesus at the mo but off to Caesarea soon I hope. Keep up the goodwork. Seeya, Paul (Saint) xx

Don't know if I'm supposed 2 b laughin, MM, but I am. Am specially lovin Paul (Saint) .

PS Tim 'n' Paul - kool, bro.

PPS I'm not terribly good at this twittery/text stuff, as I am sure you have realised, but I hope, nevertheless, that you get my gist or something Temp@Temp.

I did wonder if I might cause offense ... I sincerely hope not.
Actually, re the original bits in The Guardian, I wasn't at all sure if I found them funny or puerile. I'm still not at all sure. But none of them made me laugh .... though yours did. The original stuff seems to be trying to be oh so terribly clever and insightful, but slightly missing the point about humour ... or is it me that's missing the point?
Classic faux-arty-pseudo-intellectual-middle-class-lightweight-puff-n-guff-clickbait from The Guardian though ... and please don't buy me the book for Christmas.

Meles meles wrote:

Classic faux-arty-pseudo-intellectual-middle-class-guff from The Guardian though ... and please don't buy me the book for Christmas.

I won't. I was going to get you Winnie-the-Pooh in textspeak, but I expect that won't do, either  .

Back to Mad Men now - it's great - much better than that silly Game of Thrones thing.

Oh you intellectuals. After a hard day in the garden and on the roof (don't ask) I'm listening to a Beethoven piano concerto (an old CD), with a huge shaggy golden retriever slumped across my knees which doesn't make typing easy, while my rabbit stifado (to ferval's recipe) quietly simmers away. I don't think I've actually watched any television, other than news, for several years now. Frankly I don't even know if the TV satellite connection is still good or if I have to cut the bushes back again. Am I perhaps getting to be a bit odd?

Deleted.

Too kind Temperance...Have a nice day, Paul.

PaulRyckier wrote:

...Have a nice day, Paul.

Well, I'll certainly try, Paul.

I've deleted my earlier post - it was completely off-topic here, commenting as I did on something that is really none of my business. Apologies to the originator of this literary thread.

But kind regards to you remain: kind regards, indeed, to all at Res His.