I usually buy a generic moisturiser - whatever seems reasonable in "Savers" or some such shop. Sorry to be such a cheapskate.  The "Magic" shop in my hometown (not that I have ever bought any 'magic' - how could one buy something that would be abstract if it existed anyway) is advertising a course in homemade creams and moisturisers. It looks intriguing but is not cheap so I don't know...I suppose at least that way one would know what went into the moisturiser.

As to the encounter I had a few days ago with Champion the ??"Wonder"?? Mouse that I mentioned on the "Moggie" thread recently, I spent much of yesterday filling in holes with something like Pollyfilla only a different brand.  A lady next-door-but-one rang to say she'd seen rats in her garden and wondered if I had been thus troubled. She had called rat-catchers in to deal and they had said putting food out for the birds could help attract the critters.  The house between that lady's and mine is uninhabited so it's possible they are having a party there.....though not definite. Such food as I put out for the birds is hanging from half coconuts from the apple tree well up the garden so should be far enough away not to attract the rodents I would have thought.

DMail has slated the docu film re Himmler. I thought it an excellent and chilling insight into a mind that thought itself decent.  The Telegraph agrees. I thought the production clever but DM said nothing was clear- to my mind it was all too clear - a classic in fact that should be shown widely especially for education with discussion afterwards. Films do not have to have a commentary when the content and translated subtitles say it all.

If the Wail slated it, I'm sorry I missed it.

Rant no. 1:

On Saturday I wasted £9 and an hour of my life listening to Julian Spalding (ex-director of museums in Sheffield, Manchester and Glasgow) talking about his new book 'Realisation' about the relationship between world views and art. I should have read a bit about it first and saved my blood pressure from soaring and my jaw from bruising when it impacted with the floor.

A flavour:

"So I developed the radical notion that Stonehenge was a vast raised platform, a Mecca on stilts – one of many totally fresh re-interpretation of the past in my book Realisation. The stones were sacred in themselves, hewn from the pillars that held up the Western sky in the Welsh Mountains, but they were there to support the weight of masses of pilgrims, not to be looked at from the side, as we see them today.Why had no archaeologists thought of this before?"

http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2015/mar/16/pyramids-stonehenge-dig-look-monuments-ancestors

Rant no. 2:

While waiting for the bus to go to the above performance, I was talking to an elderly man about bus times when he pointed across the road and said, " There's yon Surgeon (sic) wumin that's oan the telly" and indeed there was Nicola walking back to her car.
" Oh yes", I replied, " Her constituency office is just down the road, she's the MSP for this area".
" Whit's an MSP?"

At that point my bus arrived.

What is the world coming to? People are now too lazy to get up to put the kettle on:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-3061356/The-classiest-cleverest-kettles-money-buy-switch-phone-way-home.html


Smarter wifi-kettle, £99.99, firebox.co.uk


I couldn’t wait to try this kettle, which you programme from the comfort of your bed. At last, no more squabbles with my partner over whose turn it is to get out of bed and put the kettle on.

It takes fewer than five minutes to download the app on my phone (the kettle works on Android 4+ and Apple iOS7+.) Next morning my partner is agog as I sweetly ask if he’d like a cuppa, then press the button on my screen.

The phone beeps to tell me the kettle has boiled, then asks if I’d like to snooze for a bit longer — the kettle will keep the water warm for up to 20 minutes. Sure enough, when I finally stroll downstairs the water’s still piping hot. My partner is desperate to try the kettle for himself. Result!

I try the same trick during Poldark, programming the kettle from the sofa so I don’t miss a second. Hooray.

Yes, it’s pricey but this sleek model has all you’d expect from a kettle and more: huge 1.8-litre jug, limescale filter, four temperature settings and a keep-warm mode. The only thing missing is a window so you can see how much water is inside.

BOILS 4 CUPS: 2 MIN 10 SEC

VERDICT: 5/5



I like getting up in the icy dawn to make a cup (pot) of tea using my ancient Aga kettle. It is a proper kettle, not one of these few-fangled wifi things.

What with a bid for the use of Google in exams, we shall then move on to exams at home, in bed with  teamaker facitlities to hand/or mini bar - with mark your own answers, of course.

On our honeymoon we were very taken with the teasmaid you had in British hotels and wanted to buy one, but we didn't.  I've always rather regretted that - finding the tea made at the right time in the morning seemed to me a rather luxurious thing.  I have never seen teasmaids available in New Zealand.

I have a cordless wind up morning teamaker one called a husband. Works quite well. Also fetches papers.

I have a dog. Regardless of whether it's winter or summer, weekend or no, guests in the house or a lazy day... he wakes me with a tap on the shoulder at 7:30 (accurate to within a couple of minutes either side). Unfortunately the service ends there as he doesn't bring me tea, toast, my slippers, the papers nor anything else ... except a persistant damp nose until I've got up, let him out, and blearily made my own tea.

Of course, after a brief tour of the garden he usually comes straight back in and installs himself on my, still warm, side of the bed ... to happily snooze for another couple of hours.

I'm not at all sure who is the master in this relationship!

Meles meles wrote:

I have a dog. Regardless of whether it's winter or summer, weekend or no, guests in the house or a lazy day... he wakes me with a tap on the shoulder at 7:30 (accurate to within a couple of minutes either side). Unfortunately the service ends there as he doesn't bring me tea, toast, my slippers, the papers nor anything else ... except a persistant damp nose until I've got up, let him out, and blearily made my own tea.

Of course, after a brief tour of the garden he usually comes straight back in and installs himself on my, still warm, side of the bed ... to happily snooze for another couple of hours.

I'm not at all sure who is the master in this relationship!

I suspect he is in no doubt.

During the VE Day at 70 concert live from the Royal Albert Hall, co-host John Suchet just now described Ivor Novello as being one of England's (yes, really) greatest singer-songwriters and then (oh the irony) introduced Katherine Jenkins who sang We'll Gather Lilacs.

Palmyra has fallen to ISIS. Another World Heritage Site at risk from religious vandalism;

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-middle-east-32820857

I was there in 2000, we had the whole place to ourselves and my memories are indelible. Not just of the colonnades and the temples, which are incomparable, but the people: the folk in the funny wee hotel where we stayed, the family who had an ad hoc restaurant in their courtyard and the two guys who gave us a lift into town from Fakhr-al-Din al-Maani Castle in the back of their pick-up when we underestimated the distance and the heat.

Syria was above all the places I've been, the one which made the deepest impression for many reasons and the one I'd promised myself I would return to. We were discouraged from going to Dura Europus because it was mid-summer, have you seen what's happened there? 
http://www.npr.org/sections/parallels/2015/03/10/392077801/via-satellite-tracking-the-plunder-of-middle-east-cultural-history?utm_campaign=storyshare&utm_source=twitter.com&utm_medium=social

Is it just me or has anyone else noticed any bees this year? This is primarily to those living in the Northern Hemisphere and particularly those in the British Isles. I have seen plenty of bumble bees around but not a single honey bee. Neither have there been any wasps yet for that matter. It's midsummer next week. Here's hoping 2015 will not go down as the year when colony collapse disorder finally became an acute reality.

There's quite a few started to appear, Viz, over the last week and as usual they are congregating on the cotoneaster beside the path at the front. They are late though and I fear I won't get a good crop of crab apples again, there were so few bees around.
Just about everything has been late this year, such a cold, wet, windy spring I expect, but on the other hand, the rhoddies and the azaleas have been spectacular.

My garden is abuzz with bees of all sorts. The borders are filled with flowers - mainly old fashioned cottage border sorts and many flowering trees that seem to attract them.... golden budlia is bee--packed at the moment. My mother set  a gardening bench mark that we should always have some flowers out in the garden - all year - so I try to do just that. I now have to have cobweb brush out in the conservatory to give  incoming bumblebees the bum rush outside. I can only assume that bees remember that our garden is ever open for free loading. And some plants I don't dead head because gold finches  arrive for seed.  I note that Tiptree Jam people now sell Essex honey and reckon that I help in the making..... easier than when I used to pick soft fruit for them to earn a coin but otherwise unrewarded though my raspberries will do well and so will the runner beans.

Oh dear, Narky Starkey has caused another furore. I have just heard him described on the radio as Katie Hopkins with a history degree. I'm particulary taken by his thesis regarding the association between exposed male knees and fascistic tendencies.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/politics/SNP/11673678/David-Starkey-criticised-after-comparing-SNP-to-Nazis.html

He'll be joining Tim Hunt on the post-irony naughty step soon if he's not careful.

I like the bare knees theory and can see historical precedents right back to Roman times and beyond. I can also see an amendment to the US constitution coming up shortly - it's time they owned up and admitted it's more than a right to bare arms they hanker after.

Plenty of bees here too (indeed I had a swarm thinking my chimney might make a nice home) ... and the apples and other tree fruits are already coming along nicely. I'm also well pleased with my little potager ... two 1.5m square raised beds, which despite only being planted up during the first week of May have already given me loads of radishes, half a dozen lettuces and a pound or so of courgettes.



Less pleased with the dog ... I'd just finished dusting, hoovering and mopping the house when this scruffy pup arrived from playing in the pond:



... though when I say pond it's more of a muddy wild animal wallow than any goldfish-adorned, ornamental water-feature ... though the marsh marigolds are nice in spring.



It is truely amazing how much sand and silt a dog can carry in his fur. Still, he seems to have had loads of fun.

I am mortified.

I have just come back from a brief meeting in our little Church. I was the only one there when the Vicar arrived. She sniffed and said: "Have you been cleaning in here again, ***? There's a lovely smell of polish."

It was my new perfume she could smell - which I shall in future refer to as Mr Sheen by Guerlain.

PS I have a bee in my garden - and about three hundred rabbits.

Temperance wrote:

I am mortified.

"Have you been cleaning in here again, ***? There's a lovely smell of polish."

Missed oportunity there, Temp, for extra brownie points with Akela. Quick as a flash you should just have said, "Yes! I was early and it did seem rather dirty..."   Result: many points to you, and points taken from whoever usually does the cleaning. Isn't that how it works ... everyone scrambling up the same greasy pole? (But just don't get conned into cleaning the place every week from now on!)

And I bet she did recognise your perfume really ... she was just "asserting" herself. She might be a vicar, but I bet she can be as bitchy as anyone else ... though maybe not quite as much as some of the oh-so-straight male vicars, who, I can fully attest can raise bitchiness to the very heights of Heaven. But seriously you have my sympathy.

But if it's any consolation, last week I'd cleaned and mopped and everything ... and the house sparkled and smelled of lemon and lavander and Savon de Marseille. But then my guests arrived saying: "The room smells of bleach ... you got a problem with the drains?!? .... Oh and by the way my dog's just crapped on your path!".

Hey ho - c'est la vie.

C'est la vie indeed.

I shall wear my Chanel Brassed Off on Sunday.   



EDIT: I did like the pictures of Doggy Dog - he's lovely, even when covered in mud!

My wee cat's sick. She quite suddenly became totally lethargic and just slumped on the bed. Appetite vanished, not even Aldi cat sticks, for which she would normally sell her little furry soul, appealed. Now she's on her second night at the vet's (it would probably be cheaper lodging her at the Hilton in town but that's how it goes) with suspected pancreatitis.

Oh, and as I pulled up outside the vet's, my front tyre uttered a high pitched whistle and went flat.

Drink anyone?

Oh ferval, so sorry to hear about your cat. How old is she?

The trouble with animals is that they can never say what is wrong. They also very often have the mentality that they must struggle on, hiding the fact that they are ill, lest they get abandoned by the rest of the pack. It's worrying but I hope she'll be ok ... and you can only do what you think is best.

I'll share a wee dram with you ... what are you offering? Or I can offer you a very unpretencious local vin de winebox, which is actually what I'm drinking this evening.

Bosworth sends his best wishes for your moggy's speedy recovery, ferval.


So do I. Try not to worry too much - she'll soon be back home demanding her cat sticks.

The brat's 10 so really just middle-aged, her predecessor made it to 20. Apparently pancreatitisis is fairly common in cats, even more so in dogs, and comes on really suddenly, no-one has any idea why. As far as I know, when she disappears out the door it's not to the pub.

Thank Bosworth for his good wishes, it's because she wasn't being demanding I knew she was ill.
I fancy a nice cognac, something smooth and soothing.

Yes, sudden lethargy and allowing you to do what YOU want to do some seem to be a sign of problems in cats.  About 30 years ago we adopted a semi-wild cat that wandered round our property.  She would come into the house, but panicked if we closed the door and we couldn't pick her up, but she would come for food.  One day she didn't come when called and we finally found her in the coalbin.  She let us pick her up and one of the kids held her on his knees while we drove to the vet, who seemed to feel she was very young and we had been neglectful.  I knew she wasn't very young and later neighbours told me she was at least 12 years old, but just a small cat.  But she had things wrong and had to be put down.  My eldest son was distraught and angry with his young brothers who were less concerned (they were probably both under 7 at the time).  "I'm never giong to have another cat."   He did, but it was more than 20 years later.

Rabbits are a big problem - normally the first sign of illness is sudden death. Hens also hide problems - because if they show signs of illness the rest of the flock turn on them and can bully them to death. The other problem with both is - the vets have about as much idea of what do as a central heating engineer trying to fix a blast furnace (at least those who re in normal vetinary practices - there are expert poultry vets, but they are under contract to the big agribusinesses, and can't look at outside cases). At least with cats and dogs there are plenty of vets who seem to know what they are doing - even if it seems too often to be give them a shot and tell you to come back in x days time if they are no better, whilst charging fees that would make a barrister envious!

Sorry to hear your kitty is unwell, Ferval.  I was really wretched for the day mine went AWOL last autumn.  Hope she improves.

Oh dear summer brings on the Ashes. Yesterday at Wimbledon Oz cheer leader gels made a show of themselves - not that it did Layton Hewitt any good because, sadly he lost out after a 4 hour slog. His power finger signs didn't do anything forhim either. And soon there will be a season of Oz slagging at the crease. How different it was when NZ played. They applauded and acknowledged good cricket and altogether there was a warm atmosphere and the banter light hearted. Both teams were playing to win in earnest with considerable skill and without a steady flow of spiteful stuff. Theirs was a tour to remember as a reminder of how it used to be and clearly can still be. I doubt their neighbour's tour here will be likewise.

Yes, I don't always support English teams (ie I hardly ever do) but I do hope the English smash these arrogant Aussies.  Brad Haddin has to be heard to be believed.  They had to sledge the NZers to death because they were too nice and he couldn't stand that!

I know very personal jibes have been made - sometimes about a player's family. I do not know what the rules say on this - and if umpires can get it stopped - or indeed if a player could refuse to play until the jibe has benn answered or referred.

And as if the ECB (England and Wales Cricket Board) didn't have enough pressing concerns what with the Ashes tournament and all that .... they're now being asked to give Greece emergency financial aid!

And another thing ...

I know it's a bit unseasonably warm in the UK at the moment but why are Network South-East trains having to go slow because of fears of buckled track? It's above 35° across much of the south of France this afternoon and yet the TGV network is still running at full vitesse. Why are Railtrack's rails not able to withstand just a few degrees above their normal temperature? And that's not a rant but a genuine question.

PS : OK I take it back a bit ... the Paris and Toulouse commuter train networks have announced delays as they are also having to limit train speeds because of the heat affecting the tracks.

I saw something on a French website about a "canicule" so are you still having a heatwave in France, MM?  I was looking for some background information about the French cop show "Engrenages" - I binged watched season 5 this weekend and there was a pop-up something like "comment survivre le canicule".  Somebody said "Engrenages" fudges the edges a bit about how legal procedure takes place in France though I can't remember the exact example (mind you in the Beeb's "Silent Witness" pathologists are depicted as questioning suspects which I don't think happens in real life).  I have become rather hooked on "Engrenages" though.

As for the British rail system and its idiosyncrasies, when I was working full-time and commuting as well as trains being delayed or cancelled because of rails buckling I can remember postponements because of ice on points (so the points couldn't be switched over) in winter and leaves on the lines in autumn.  One of the best was (this was between Stafford and Wolverhampton) delays because of cows on the line.  Another time (before "privatisation") a local commuter train broke down and had to be pushed to Wolverhampton by what was then called an intercity train.

Well, would YOU willingly go to Wolvo to pick up a load of yam-yams? Can't blame the train one iota.

I'm sitting here with the 2015 Fringe brochure open - 400 odd pages of tiny print - and wondering where to start. One of the 6 productions of "A Midsummer Night's Dream" perhaps or choose from the 3 fringe versions of "Antigone" and the 'official' one?  No! I'm booking for "Downton Scabby"

Downton Scabby follows the lives of the Downton characters when they fall on hard times. How will they survive living on a housing estate when the neighbours are so terribly common and servants earn more than you do? Oh well – the only thing to do is to try and get back on top. This is the story of their epic struggle from penury to paristocracy!

Or what about "When Blair Had Bush and Bunga",
Mistaken identities, unruly maids, a maurading US president and a phone call from the pope, all set in Cliff's pad in Barbados

Ooh, there's "UKIP - the Musical" as well.

Decisions, decisions........

Gilgamesh of Uruk wrote:

Well, would YOU willingly go to Wolvo to pick up a load of yam-yams? Can't blame the train one iota.

Oo, I can't possibly comment Gilgamesh - might not be politically correct.

Ferval's sallying forth to "Downton Scabby" sounds quite fun.  Wasn't there an ITV sitcom about a wealthy couple who had lost their money and were trying to survive with the rest of the community - back in the 1970s or 1980s?  Can't remember what it was called.  Some of the old comedies haven't really stood the test of time.

Well, the new Kitchen Altar has arrived and has been duly and thoroughly examined by the girl Siduri, who has detected a minor blemish (in a spot where it will be invisible in service) and duly contacted the supplier demanding a contribution to compensate her, which she duly was offered. The local acolytes of Utu will be coming to connect it on Wednesday - although that task is well within the capabilities of your humble correspondent, apparently if the delicate task of connecting three wires is undertaken by those not in the service of the correct member of the Annunaki, the Bull of Heaven will be let loose upon the earth.

Aspirin; last week I could take one a day and prevent a stroke. This week, if I do I might induce a stroke. Last week was better. But  last week aspirin was not good for much else. This week it is great for arthritis. I make that 15 all for making a decision about taking aspirin. I am not sure either if this week eggs are good for me. Soon I shall want something for me nerves Dr - but we don't have them any more, I suspect. I could try giving up religious threads - but could I cope without? I mitre.

Last week standing was good for me, this week it is not. I wonder what daft advice was given in he past about how to live well.

I do recommend ignoring the daily health "Miracle Cure" or "Diabolical Risk" story in the Daily Distress. That's enough to cause many different type of health disbenefit.

I read a serious and authoritative-sounding report which suggested that the 100mg of aspirin I take was exactly wrong:  either none or twice as much would be better for me.  However my doctor hadn't read that report, and said her medical council advice was still for the 100mg.  But it also seems that some aspirin is good for strokes and some good for heart attacks, but not both.  I would prefer a heart attack to a stroke, if I had the choice, but am not sure which amount of aspirin is best for which. 

Eggs are good for you this week. I read a very praising dietary account of them, in reply to a man who had cut them from his diet totally some time ago.  But I'm not sure about fat now - is butter better than margarine (excluding that it tastes better and fries better) or not?  And there are problems with fish - not for health, I think, but for sustainability.  Mostly of course I will just eat what I fancy which today includes cream in my coffee, tamarillos, oysters, and pork.  (For some reason we have a lot of treat food on hand at the moment.)  I saw a nice sounding recipe today for oyster pie - it serves six and required 48 ("or more if you wish") oysters.  I wasn't the only one to point out that at $25+ a dozen your pie was going to cost $100 in oysters alone.

Perhaps, Caro, we two could take a median dosage of aspirin and have smaller strokes and milder heart attacks. Life  and exit therefrom seems to be getting so complicated.

This is a cheery little article. I suspect a lot of us around here are doomed to miss out on the 85+ birthday "Welcome to the Care Home!" What a shame. Only two small glasses of wine at one go? Oh dear.

 I have enjoyed reading some of the Telegraph readers' ripostes.


 http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/science/science-news/10676742/Middle-aged-binge-drinkers-double-risk-of-dying-early.html

Temps, you write 'is this the beginning of the end? ' If you are staring at your elbow and can't see a difference, I suggest it probably is.'...... ill placed apostrophes - so like shrimps are going to my head today? Perhaps they ride very little horses to hunt them down. I need a good night's sleep.

I think the end began when the beginning ended, Temperance.  At any rate a wrong apostrophe doesn't seem to herald the end - having to check the thesaurus for words I know perfectly well, but can't quite bring to mind at this second seems a more worrying sign.  So far haven't insisted the fridge is the right place for the kettle, though.

I recall when the anti-smoking campaign was at its height saying that next would be drinking, and lo! it came to pass.  And just in case it doesn't go with a bang, food (and especially that dreadful sugar) is in the wings, waiting. 

One of the problems, Priscilla, is that for some reason no one is now allowed to die.  It is a major crime to do so and someone must be accountable.  You, if you refuse to have your diabetes checks, or heart machines lined up, or eating habits not scrutinised, or drinking not monitored.  Medical profession if they haven't done these things (though not if they haven't set you up for a much needed hip replacement, or fitted you into the system).  Work if you've dared to have an accident.  Etc.

We've just been told if we tax all unhealthy foods (which included all dairy, bread and meat!) that we would cut our chances of dying by 20%.  Though I thought we all had 100% chance of dying.  Hope so anyway, since the thought of a world where no one dies and there is no room for younger generations is sobering indeed.

Caro - I concur with your observation that with one or two exceptions, humans don't seem to manage not to die in the long term. These persistent stories about people living to be 1000 years old - have those who think that is desirable never read Gulliver's Travels? Would YOU wish to be a Struldbrug? The thought fills me with horror!

I have just arrived home after a very slow journey on the Paddington to Penzance express. I spent the hours reading - eight years behind everyone else in the Western world, but never mind - the late Chris Hitchens's book, God Is Not Great. I expect you all think I'm going to rant about that, but I'm not. It was a very interesting read and I think he is a very witty writer. I loved his jumbo-mumbo joke in the chapter "Arguments from Design".

No, I have to confess I have another gripe. It is this: how come ex-Trotskyites always have such nice, posh houses? I think this room - Chris Hitchens's house in Washington -  is delightful. I love that table - and the floor.




PS See that cup and saucer picture on the mantelpiece? I've got that in my kitchen! Honest.

PPS My real rant is that I was desperate to get into the Alexander McQueen exhibition at the V&A () before it closed on Sunday - but didn't manage it.

Not about the apostrophe - but a schoolgirl howler I made in my working life (though I noticed it before the letter went out and was able to amend it) was addressing a letter to "Messers XYZ Company" rather than Messrs. I may have mentioned that on another thread - sorry if senioritis momentitis is setting in.  Just as well I did notice the mistake because a friend "temped" at the firm I am calling XYZ and she was one who would have noticed...and remembered.

Temperance wrote:

See that cup and saucer picture on the mantelpiece? I've got that in my kitchen! Honest

Why do all those nouveau-riche Trotskyites always put their pictures on the mantelpiece leaning against the wall, rather than properly hanging them up? Is it to pretend that they're still renting their digs rather than actually owning the said mansion? It looks so faux-étudiant.

Mine is hanging on the wall.

Phew, what a relief.

PS If it were not that I know you for a gentle soul, LiR, I would interpret your "temping"/apostrophe post as a bit of dig at my well-known, rather desperate obsession with that particular punctuation mark.

I like "Messers" - especially when writing to solicitors.