The mob assembling outside the Agincourt hairdressers' shop was growing uglier by the minute ...

The skinny fellow on the right looks like a turtle!

The mob assembling outside the Agincourt hairdressers' shop was growing uglier by the minute ...

Hail Mary full of grace, please make my mother understand that forcing your child to stand on top of a tree is a really stupid thing to do.

Opening King Tut's sarcophagus, 1924

Er, sorry to break the flow of the thread, but my picture shows Richard III, not Henry V! This is the mob outside the *Agincourt* hairdressers:

"And if you can pick them all up without the buzzer going off, you win".

"Well - no - everything isn't 'alright' actually. We put in our order for 2 steak'n'chips and 3 chicken Kievs over 50 minutes ago and the waitress hasn't even brought us our drinks yet."

Even as Lord Ecclestone basked in the adulation of his cronies at the press bash heralding the 1758 Formula One World Championship season, the time trial for the newly unveiled Williams FW01 two horse-power "Golden Wagon" was beginning to go horribly wrong ...

Zebedee watched from the substitutes' bench, feeling really, really p*ssed off.

"Stop showing off. Your sword's not all that. Bet you can't unscrew the pommel and keep whiskey in the hollow grip like I can with mine."

The crew and passengers resigned themselves to yet another long delay at Springfield Junction. Mary and Millicent, the "Superglue Twins", had struck again.

Sir Gerald Wheel-Barrow MP, Her Majesty's Principal Secretary of State for Transportation, thought he had finally solved the problem of street congestion during the school-run ... until Beatrice-Mary (aged 6) pointed out that Papa would still have to hire another carriage-and-four to get him onwards to Parliament.

A Birmingham pub after a night of bombing, 1941:

If Hitler thought a Thurston billiard table would give in without a fight, he had another think coming (and Harry was convinced his pint would still be in there somewhere, too).

If he thinks I'm going to fall for that old line, he has another thing coming.

There was something about his new Afghan coat which wasn't quite right, Boris knew. But the day was still young, he reckoned. He'd figure it out ... he just needed time.

Nothing at baby Orville's christening hinted that either he or 4-year-old brother Wilbur came from anything other than an ordinary Mid-Western family with their feet firmly planted on the ground.

Seven Against Thebes:

Aeschylus wasn't really a good choice for a village hall production, but the kids liked seeing the panto horse again.

They should put some whiskey in these cups Liz. If we have to wear these ridiculous costumes, the least they could do is let us be drunk whilst doing it.

"As you see Herr Chancellor, my outfit is more impressive than yours, my butler's outfit is more impressive than yours and even my butler's moustache is more impressive than yours."

Nick surveyed the scene. "Next year, Simon, I think it might be appropriate to have our Party Conference at a less salubrious venue".

"At five-foot-five and only 125lbs, it's true she doesn't have a lot of inches to shed. But here at Universal Contour Wrap we are proud to guarantee our clients a loss of at least *six* inches after their first treatment. And it'll be even more if you're dead!"

Pappa, mother says she's sorry and that maybe Nobby Stiles was indeed the most underrated left-sided off-field philosopher in football history. But while you're in there anyway, she says, can you see if you can find whatever's blocking the loo?

Sorry mates, you are too late. The next flight isn't due until.............well a fair while anyway.

Of course, you don't have to drink your tea out of the saucer like Michael here but you can benefit from having your very own xT2 teaMaker. It simultaneously dispenses Indian, Russian and China tea all from one easy-to-use samovar.

The xT2 is not available in any shops. To order yours and take advantage of our limited offer (including 6 months' supply of tea of your choice) just dial our FREEFONE number. Hurry while stocks last.

"So, humans think the Giant Woolongaloowa bird is the dumbest creature on earth? Well not this one!" thought Rodney, then stood as still as he could while doing his best Shroobarbia Tree impersonation.

Nipper having retired due to terminal earache, auditions were held for a more robust replacement.

As a terror-stricken Doctor Witherspoon listened intently for the sound of its imminent return, Lord Fortheringay realised yet again how much he bitterly detested the ancient family tradition of the Saturday afternoon ostrich stampede through Fotheringay Hall.