Jim and Steve were frankly dubious about Cyril's apparent delight with their new uniform.

The performance of Three Blind Mice by the Felineharmonic Orchestra ended abruptly when the string and woodwind sections had an attack of the munchies.

Life before the invention of the elevator was a complicated affair.

Recently declassified documents on the Roswell UFO have shown that rumours of alien life forms recovered by the military from the crash site were indeed true.

"Just another few weeks of this lousy gig", thought Jim, "and I'll have enough to buy myself that luxury cruise on the Titanic!"

Deleted

Eh, why deleted MM?

Not suitable - too political, a bit insensitive ..... and not funny. Sorry.

nordmann wrote:

Fritz Ledermann and his family had moved to Berlin in 1931 and had been pleasantly surprised at how easily they had fitted in. Fritz had secured a good job with the Deutsche Reichsbahn, Maria worked part-time at the Universität, and the children were all doing well at kindergarten.

But recently they had started to feel alienated. People mocked them when they strolled hand-in-foot down the Unter den Linden, they had been refused service in shops and cafes, and last night all his downstairs windows had been smashed.

How, he wondered, did they know he was indeed Jewish?

Oh yes Syd, all the girls say you look just like Richard III. Now Fred over there with the missing bottom bits? Well between you an me, not a hope.

"Stop complaining James, I'm sure his Majesty won't miss just one. Besides there's a war on, and anyway game is off ration!"

Gwendolyn to Hortense (shouting over the lute): The talent in this kip gets worse every week Hotty. Don't know about you chuck, but next Saturday I'm off down the Ministry Of Sound!

That Jamie bloody Oliver, you just can't get away from him these days. And I thought he'd chucked the 'Naked Chef' stuff.

Mandelson, finding himself once more the director's bottom man, vowed at that moment that his days as an underwear model were over. There just must be, he reasoned, some other profession that appreciated his unique gluteal stamina ...

Percy took the advice of his new boss, of not taking one's eye off the ball, literally.

Tweedledum and Tweedledee

Both had a camp-queen hissy-fit,

For Tweedledum said Tweedledee

Had copied his Gay-Pride outfit.

But enough this camp old nonsense ....

Right Nelson, what's the plan of attack?

Nelson?

Eh, Admiral Nelson?

(splash)

NEELLLSSSOOONNN!!!!!!

"And to cap it all you now say I've got worms too! ...oh sod it, let Tudor have the bloody kingdom".

Ear Wax - The Final Solution

Bodyshop's new 'Raspberry Shampoo and Conditioner' ... So fruity you'll just want to lap it up!

Though the Japanese equivalent is well documented, little is known of the origins of the now extinct Ballinspittle Tea Ceremony (demonstrated here by a certain Miss Bridie O'Shaughnessy in a rare daguerrotype from 1872)

"Ah, mon petit chou" whispered Henri as he directed Yvette towards the kitchen.

Little Appreciated Medieval Battle Problems #76

Buttcrack invasion by one's pantyhose just prior to mounting

Even as a baby Dionysus was a prodigy, here he is proving the theory of in 'one end and out the other'.

Somewhere around the Azores Millicent and Martha could no longer help but notice that all the men on the liner were indeed,as they had suspected since Cherbourg, shrinking.
"At this rate," whispered Milly in an aside to her mate, "it's leg over by Casablanca or there's not much bloody point!"

"When I said that, 'chiropody is as much an art as a science', this wasn't exactly what I meant. But I grant you, she does have an amazing pair of bunions, what?"

"Oi, Fred. These ear goggles is bloody great, isn't they?"
"You said it, Bert. I can hear dem huns chattering as if dey was right in front of us!"
"Oi, Fred?"
"Yer?"
"Dey is bloody in front of us!"
"Flippin' 'eck, Bert. Right, let's just act nonchalant. Give 'em a smile and we'll let on we're listening to Radio Luxembourg. 'Um Lili Marlene for christ's sake!"
"Shit! I only knows it in English."
"'We'll 'um it wiff a German accent den - dey don't have no ear goggles on. Maybe dey won't notice ..."