'The Times', London, 9 June 1848 : 

This afternoon's Chartist rally on Kennington Common was duly followed by an equally contrversial evening "Concert and Spectacle in Plein-air", featuring the so-called 'Fabulous Four', they being an ensemble of popular northern vocalists comprising the Messers Lennon, McCathy, Harrison and Starr. This said vocal ensemble opened the evening's proceedings with their well-known ballad; "My Love - I pray thou lovest me do", to much appreciative applause .... and not a few attacks of the vapours, especially amongst the younger, unchaperoned debutantes of the fairer sex.

Strawberry again, Remmie. Think maybe we could market this stuff and build up a worldwide mega-franchise from flogging this shit? We could be zillionaires by the age of ten, bro!

Don't know, Rommie. After all, Rome wasn't built in a day, you know.

What's "Rome", Remmie?

"You know what Caligula, your problem ain't Poseidon.... No, it's up 'ere in yer 'ead. Ask Drusilla, Incitatus, Cassius, old uncle Clau-Clau ... ask anyone an' they'll all say the same. The problem's in yer 'ead, Gaius... It's all in yer 'ead!"

Tell me honestly now Master Kowalski before we agree a price, you don't really have that much experience in children's playground construction, now do you?

"I want a go. It looks really good fun."

Drat. Crossed posts. You win, nordmann, as ever. And I really wanted to post my Origen picture.

Origen's old hat already    

Do you suffer from colic, cramp or twisted bowels? Then Mr Wisdom's invention (affectionately dubbed the Whopper by satisfied customers) is just for you, it's soothing front and rear motion has been specifically designed for the most expedient and explosive relief. Buy one for your rest room now!

Germany just before the Nazis came to power.

Little did these B-boying aficianados of the Electric Boogaloo, Krumping, Jacking, Waacking, Hardcore, Para Para and Pogo know that their wild terpsichoreal days were soon to draw to a sudden end.

Originating in Birmingham’s copper-smithing industry, the "Apprentices’ Ballcock Tossing Dance" certainly gained something in miss-translation when it was adopted by the Nazi Party's Hitlerjungend.

Oh my Branwen, will you look at the size of that one! No wonder Agnes is standing over there looking so pleased with herself, I bet she has one just like that at home.

"This little piggy went to market, this little piggy stayed at home, this little piggy had roast beef but … Oh no Sahib that is not possible, one cannot be eating beef in this part of India. And we shouldn’t be sending a piggy to market anyway as it is a most unclean animal Sahib.

Might I suggest we do 'Mary had a little lamb', instead. I am thinking maybe she had it in a rhogan josh perhaps."

During Edwardian times England was regularly beset by large influxes of aggressive Irish cap sellers. Páidí Óg Ó Chuilleachán (pictured above) could reach speeds exceeding 25mph when properly oiled beforehand.

For the nurses at St Flagellata’s Hospital for the Terminally Flatulent, colonic-irrigation day always provided some light relief. The weekly watering also gave relief to the flowers in the hospital gardens, but it wasn’t until they’d plumbed in bilious old Sir Henry on the sixth floor, that they ever got sufficient pressure to reach the roses at the back.

"And remember my little darlings, if you hear something in the middle of the night go bumpity bump it's just the Horn-tailed Bogeyman. Keep the cupboard locked and you'll be all rightypops! Nighty nighty! MWAAHAAAHAAA ..."

Illustration from "The Changing Face of Good Mothering". Chapter 7 "The 1950s"

Jason Voorhees realised he was being stitched up for the so-called "Friday the Thirteenth" murders when he noticed that all the others lined up at the identity parade were clearly women.

As they shamefully wended their way home from the beach Lucius and Milo just knew they were going to get hell from Mater when she saw what had happened yet again to little brother Simplicus.

Pssst Joseph, what do we do now? The little bugger has just pissed in the cup.

As house prices continue to rise, newly-weds Mr and Mrs Wheelbarrow proudly show off their new home in Tooting. "It was a struggle to save up for the deposit and we would have liked something a bit bigger, but at last we've now got a home of our own. And we're going to convert the top shelf into a bed-sit and let that out, which will help with the monthly mortgage payments."

Back To The Future: Deleted scene #27

It is the 1780s and Dr Emmet "Doc" Brown has found yet another odd source of fuel for his flux capacitor, this time one that Marty McFly is full of!

Highlight of the 1958 annual dinner of the Royal Society of Gastro-Intestinal Surgeons was, as usual, the Invasive-Surgery Weight-Loss competition.

This year a team from the Edinburgh School of Dentistry came third with Agnes Niblett who, before having her jaws wired shut, weighed in at l9 stone 12 ounces, but tonight weighed in at just nine stones seven ounces. In second place was the colonic-surgical team at St Bart’s, with their gastric by-pass on Miss Betty Barthwaithe who lost just under nine stones over the past year. But first place was taken by the Manchester Royal Infirmary who, with their innovative use of an inflatable duodenal stent, got school dinner-lady Mrs Helen Troye, previously known as 'the face that lunched on a thousand chips', down from over 23 stone to a lightweight eight stone eleven ounces.

Well done Manchester!

Beatrix Potter's 1931 story "The Tale of the Wanksta Hood-Bunnies" proved to be her breakthrough book on American bestsellers lists.

The Tricky Dicky Adoration League have today released their new emblem. Bordering on martyrdom, the emblem illustrates the pain, suffering and even hair wrenching endured by fans of the long dead King, at the hands of the purported brainless and heartless critics of the movement.

Austerity Britain 1950s: Dodgems (bumper cars) being prepared for use at Butlins Skegness Holiday Park.

It was the first day of Jane and Marilyn's Open University "taster" course  in archaeology.


Marilyn: Gee, I'm so excited, Jane - I've come over all shivery again! I just know we're going to find something here. I can feel it in my bones.


Jane: Shut up and keep scratching, Maz. If you keep going on about your shivery feelings no one around here is going to take us seriously.

Oh Temp - You've changed your pic, just when I had come up with:


"Thomas Stanley! Don’t you start getting all pathetic saying ‘I’m dying – just bury me at Greyfriars’! You’re just hung over that’s all. And don’t blame the oysters or that dodgey egret kebab either - I’ve heard all them excuses before. So for the last time, it’s cousin Dicky’s big battle today - and you will be there – I’m writing no more sick notes for you my lad!"


I hadn't realised you'd changed it 'cos the pics take so long to open. So I now need to try and think of something else.  

OK so how about (and due apologies for stereotyping):


"Who's dat woman with da son belong missus queen?"

"Wiv dat Charlie? Dunno - p'raps she's his lunch."

"But she is no very fat."

"Den I'm thinking he must be on a diet!"

Oh God, this dates me but:

Since the price of milk was so poor, the Archers decided to turn Brookfield into a safari park. Grace made a start on the zebras while Dan considered how to turn the pigs into lions.